The New (Awkward) Age

The New (Awkward) Age

Recently noticed on a bill board was the phrase,”60 is the new 40”!

Really? I’m 60.. so I know they can’t possible be talking about years.

60 years old to me is the new awkward age. I used to think 8 was that discomfited age, especially for girls. You still have a bit of baby fat and the loose tooth fairy has struck often enough that you look like you’ve been in a fight when you smile. Adding insult to injury. the new teeth, when they finally DO come in, often appear too big for your mouth.

At 60 the baby fat I lost after having four children has found me again….though I don’t remember leaving a forwarding address. I didn’t need to call on the tooth fairy to arrive at the fact that at 60, only seven of my teeth are originals.. And while the new ones fit and look great when I smile.. you should take care to look for cover when I sneeze.

To be truthful it’s not so much about the physical awkwardness at this age.…though I’d give my eye tooth to be able to get down on my knees without them hurting. But then, I have no more eye teeth to give.. so…..where was I? oh yes.. it’s not just the bodily graces I miss nearly as much as my brain. I won’t admit totally defeat when it comes to all brain functions.. not yet.. but when it comes to technical intelligence, just pass the dunce hat.

Both our oldest son, (hence forth to be referred to as Hootis.. a self inflicted nickname) and senior daughter, OG, have been instrumental in encouraging their mother to jump into the 21st century by way of blogging. Hootis has his own server which he generously offered up for his mother’s use in blogging . After numerous attempts to set up a blog his mother could use, I’ve had to admit defeat. I can’t even get the pass word to work.

OG, on the other hand, has sufficient computer skills ( and patience I might add) to encourage her mother along more commercial lines when it comes to blogging. She even talked me into getting myself a domain name, ah - - such faith in her old mother. Maigcbookmark.com - a website promoting great reading to kids of all ages.

Don’t bother. Nothing is there. I couldn’t make it work either.

I take comfort in the thought that my first two experiments in motherhood still love me enough to at least ‘think’ I could make the leap. Perhaps that’s an indication that I have some credibility left with them. Only time will tell.

Moving right along to remote controls: Does anyone reading this remember the days when you walked up to the television and turned it on?.. That’s where you changed the channels too. Don’t get me wrong.. I’m all for being able to stay curled up on the sofa, or tucked into your recliner to accomplish the same thing. But then along came the other stuff: the vhs and dvd players, the home theater, the tivo, the dvd carousel and the satellite receiver. Each one comes with it’s own remote. Raise your hand if you know how to co-ordinate them all. You won’t see me wagging my hand in the air!

If I were a conspiracy theorist I’d say this all has something to do with the male need to control the television! To prove he was falsely accused of such a dastardly plan, , EX-man purchased a universal remote…which just so happens requires a computer to program! It’s a vicious circle.. I’m not completely letting go of my suspicions yet!

What is a 60 year old, techno-challenged woman to do? In an attempt to make myself feel just a little capable I made of list of the remotes my brain currently understands:
- The remote chance that there might be something I want to watch on television when EX-man is home to co-ordinate the plethora of hand held gadgets required to do so. .
- The remote chance that it won’t be a decorating show I want to watch
- The remote chance EX-man won’t roll his eyes and pretend he didn’t hear me say I want to watch a home decorating show
- The remote possibility of the universal remote we bought ever being programmed so I CAN operate any of the home theater equipment.
- The remote chance that pigs will indeed someday fly!

Big sigh!

My brain is 60.. and is having one heck of a time transitioning to something less, when that less is more than I can figure out . It’s sad! But I’ve not given up yet. Obviously I have some work to do.. In the meantime, don’t try to sell me the idea that 60 is the new 40!

$60 is the new $40?? That works!

My New Best Friend

The writing life can be a lonely one. That isn’t to say it’s an unsocial one. I know many writers who, due to the unpredictable income of the writing life, hold down full time jobs. Writers younger than myself juggle jobs with an active family life.. some also have school. So, not all writers become a hermit like unto myself.

Don’t get me wrong.. I like people. And with certain limitations I like doing social things.. especially the family oriented ones. I even do lunch with the gals from time to time. But as an empty nester, married to an MPO director with doctor’s hours, who’s only been in town a few years, I’m slow to make friends and, bottom line, I do have reclusive tendencies.

In other words: It would be safe to say that all the pages in my address book are far from being full. Of those sparsely filled pages, most entries are that of family… who are the closest friends I have. A small percentage are professional and business entries.. and then maybe a dozen or less social ones.. Friends are a premium. I know a lot of people with which I’m friendly.. but real friends.. best friends if you will.. are not only few and far between.. but, due to my solitary leanings, end up being people who either understand and can work with my on again-off again social life, or who are so busy themselves they don’t notice the lack of my presence in their lives! In other words, high maintenance relationships are a real challenge for me.. and I usually do poorly at them..

..... And then there’s Ella.

Ella is a 7 month old Golden Lab/Vizila mix. Energy is her middle name.. which must mean that her official name is Ella Energy Enchanted now that I think about it.. When we adopted her from the Humane Society, a few weeks ago, she came with the name Natalie. We knew that wasn’t going to work before we even had her out of the pen!

A few hundred dollars later (puppies take almost as much gear as a baby these days!) we arrived home with my new best friend and settled in for our first evening at home. EX Man’s mom who was visiting from California, loves to watch movies. EX Man loves to show off the flat screen over the fireplace, mom-in-law had never seen Ella Enchanted.. …you can see where this is going.. right?

EX Man’s first suggestion was that we give our puppy the name Ella of Frell. This had to be ruled out immediately since, two years ago, K-girl dubbed my computer with that tag. Her dad, otherwise known as I.T. Guy, had just replaced our hard drive and was asking me what I wanted to title the new brain. Voila!.. there was my little decorating assistant ready to supply an identity far more gentle, not to mention regal, than what I frequently and heretofore had used. The computer and I are on precarious terms as it is.. I dare not confuse it with the dog!

So Ella Enchanted is was.. and Ella Energy Enchanted is it.. Talk about a high maintenance friendship.. I sometimes have to wonder what I was thinking to take on a puppy just as I determined to give a writing career another try.

While it’s been suggested that Ella is full grown at 8 months, you should check out her paws. I seriously have my doubts! But a girl can hope! At 45 pounds, on a dead run she can knock you over.. well just about.. Not that she means to.. she just thinks you’re another puppy who likes to romp around as much as she does. I’m thinking of investing in football gear.. you know.. the stuff those NFL guys wear to keep those big fullbacks from breaking bones when they take ya down.

Chew!… gracious this girl can chew…. I think we are fortunate that she is enamored ( for the most part) with the plethora of chew toys and snacks we keep on hand. Shortly after getting Ella home I read where puppies have two chewing periods in life.. the second one starting at about 7 months.. We immediately went out and purchased another plethora! Still, we have a wicker chair that has a slight boo-boo, and have quickly learned that plastic planters in the yard are no longer feasible. This is how we came to learn that spray bottles filled with water at all times, dispersed about the house.. are excellent deterrents to bad behavior. (I am hopeful that EX Man doesn’t get any ideas where I am concerned.)

I will also sing the praises of crates. As we left the Humane Society, we were gifted with tags, as well as a collar and leash of our choice. I chose poorly. Reeling in a 60 pound tuna on the open sea would be easier! But on the plus side we also were given an abundance of good ideas and info on integrating a puppy into our lives. Crate training was one of these suggestions. It’s the best $90 invest we’ve made.

Perhaps the previous owners of Triple E had done some crate training with her. We’ll never know. She came to us via a city far to the south with no pre-history. But her crate is her safe room.. She insists on sleeping there at night. She goes there when she knows she’s been naughty and pouts.. (She’s quite the dramatic pouter.. so she fits right in with several members of the family, who shall remain nameless) Best of all, when, on the fifth day of her life with us, Ella decided to stop being the perfect dog and chose indoor plumbing to outdoor, the crate was the tool that helped us change that idea in just 3 days. Add to this the idea that Ella will be traveling a lot with us (crates are far safer than letting her take over the back seat). …and you can see why we are big advocates of the ol’ crate.

Kongs are the other deal makers. And I’m not referring to the big apes. Filled with ground dog food and then frozen for longer lasting chew sessions, or slathered with peanut butter, which makes for a humorous round of silliness from Ella, these doggie toys are real life saver when the muse is collaborating with me and that latest idea has just got to get onto paper. http://www.petmountain.com/product/chew-toys/105306/kong-company-red-kong.html

Regardless of the challenges Ella presents. I wouldn’t hesitate to call her my New Best Friend. Our routine games of fetch and “where’s the kong”, help me ‘step away from the computer’ and get the exercise this old body so badly needs. She makes me laugh countless times throughout the day (I’d have named her Goofy if it were left up to me) And when she is calmed down and in a cuddly mood there’s nothing better than to have her nuzzle up to me. I can scratch her belly, or behind her ears, and it’s all tail waggin' GOOD!

Having read this I am realizing I should perhaps clarify a few things for those of you who are family and/or suspect you are on my best friend list:
- I’m still good for lunches that don’t include playing fetch
- Pouting sessions will still find me a good listener but I fear I haven’t a crate in your size should you feel the need for one
- Please don’t feel the need to provide me with a crate when I pout
- You won’t be getting kongs for Christmas unless you put in your order now
- Please don’t compare my yeast rolls to Ella’s chew toys.. Bread making is still a new experience for me.
- While I think Ella is the most beautiful puppy ever, you all need to know you are truly more beautiful than you realize... and this hermit oriented would-be writer wouldn't want to be without any of her best friends.. whether you can wag your tail or not.

Raising an Occasional Genius

I want to share with you one of my favorite blogs. http://occasionalgenius.com/ Just pay it a visit.. you’ll see why. Besides, you’ll need a little background from it to fully understand who all the characters are in this post.

37 years ago the author of Occasional Genius started life out as my buddy in a way mother’s seldom, if ever, wish for. While granting her mother’s request for a newborn weighing less than 7 pounds (she weighed in at 6 lbs. 15oz), she rushed in a bit early with Hyaline's Membrane Disease.

It was an emotional week for OG (Occasional Genius) ’s family. At the time, HMD was not as well understood as it is today.. and was often fatal. We all waited, not so patiently, on pins and needles and prayers to learn if the little gal in the ICU incubator was ever going to come home with us. Had I only realized then what is all too obvious today, I would have known OG was just hanging out in that incubator coming up with ideas and planning …..! Had it been within her power at the time, she would have redecorated the entire ICU unit I certain.

In our clan OG is recognized not only as athe Idea Gal but as the ‘other mother’. Each one of her siblings has lived with her at one time or another since leaving the original nest. In fact I’m pretty sure she’d be MY mother if she had gotten to earth first. She just has this way about her that takes control.. creative control more often than not. Instead of the name found on her birth certificate, we should have just named her Polly Project and gotten it over with!

I’ve always felt a little guilty that when IT Guy proposed to OG, we didn’t either offer a disclaimer about how OG’s mind works or at least give him a friendly warning:

“Don’t let her think for too long and don’t leave her alone for too long. You’re never sure what you’ll come home to!”

Ah - but of course he knows more about that now than we do… He’s come home to torn down walls, removed back doors, sawn in half and reassembled sofas… The list is endless..

Ever eager to share her ideas and projects with the masses, today OG posted a contest on her blog.. The winner receives a gallon of gas and cookies made by IT Guy, himself.. Trust me.. it’s worth entering just for the cookies!

All you have to do is tell about your favorite disaster memory courtesy of one of your children. I ask you: What mother could resist… especially when the person asking is one of your own kids?

My entry went something like this:

For my contest entry (disqualified or not due to being related ,and because of the “who” on which I am about to squeal ) I have chosen one of OG”s very own creative events… I will call it -
The New Bedroom
Step 1 - Switching, between two floors, our bedroom for hers while we were picking her brother up on Christmas Eve at the train station.Step 2- Painting that bedroom blue then decorating the walls with hers and her little sister’s foot and hand prints using orange enamel and flat white paint.Step 3 - Spilling that blue paint on the carpet before school the next morning and, with no time to clean it up, laying a blanket over it inhopes her mother would be none the wiser!
I might add that in spite of going to school and bringing her home to adjust the error of her ways, .. and despite the fact that she yelled through the school halls “You are ruining my life!!!!” as we walked , nay, as I drug her to the car, this final step occurred on the day she won the Colorado District 51 Middle School 80 meter hurdles champion - 1985.. I like to think, in part, her success was due to the fact that she was not feeling any guilt about what she had left behind that morning. A mother can only hope!

Love you, OG! Great blog! You make me proud!And just in case.. gas prices here are about $3.39
What readers of Occasional Genius will not have read .. is the 'rest of the story':

We shall fast forward to 3 months after the birth of the cutie pa-tootie referred to as Caboose. It was the week of Code Red’s, B-boy’s and K-Girl’s annual summer visit to Grammie and Grandad’s. Code Red’s only rule for summer visits has always been - NO PARENTS! However, this summer Holly and the Caboose were invited along because IT Guy was off to Georgia on a work related conference.

The week prior to the family visit we had been taking bids on a floor for the back porch area of our park-size backyard. At that time it consisted of nothing more than packed dirt covered with wood chips.

It was early on the afternoon of their first Sunday with us. The shuttle had just left with IT Guy, headed to the airport. We all sauntered out into the back yard to enjoy the pleasant summer weather. OG and I were swinging in the log porch swing with Caboose. Grandad was sipping a cool soda across from us in a lawn chair while the three older grandchildren played . Eventually the adult conversation lagged. It grew dangerously quiet as OG stared at our covered porch area.

OG: How much were the bids on your porch?
Grandad: $3,400. Cement from here to here with planters at the posts.( Grandad indicates where all this will go)

There is a pregnant pause .. and in which I suddenly realize what’s coming..
Sure enough:

OG: Why wouldn’t you build a wooden deck?
Grandad: Turns out to be almost the same price.
OG: Then why not frame it out, cover it with treated plywood, and cover that with something like indoor/outdoor carpeting? I can do it for $750. You can use the left over money on another project!
Grandad: ummm…. I’m not sure your mother would go for that.

(There are two responses from my husband which are dead give-aways that he’s caving. One is the utterance, “umm’, and the other is any sentence with the phrase,’ your mother’ in it!)

OG: If you could do another project with the left over money??? Sure you would, wouldn’t you, Mom?
Me: Are you saying you’d come back this summer and build that for us?
CG: No, I’m saying I’ll build it this week.
Me: Correct me if I’m wrong.. didn’t you just have a baby a few months ago?
OG: It’s been the most uncreative months of my life.. I need a creative project.

(Picture this for a moment.. I’m holding Caboose , one of THE most beautiful and precious little girls ever and CG is saying it’s been the most uncreative period of her life?
Yes, Virginia, even parents of adult children are often left to wonder)

Me: (having recovered from my stupor) But it’s the kids’ week.. .. not build-Grammie-and-Grandad-a-porch week.
OG: Watch this! – Kids!.. come here a minute. (The Terrific Trio gather around) How would you like to film our own decorating show? Code Red. you’re the host of the show, B-boy, you’re the head contractor, and G-girl, you’re our decorating specialist. We’re going to build Grammie and Grandad a porch and surprise Dad with it when he gets home.

Terrific Trio: (Enthusiastic with a capital E) Cool! Yeah!!!!.. when can we start?

You’re not surprised.. right? After all, these are the offspring of OG and IT Guy…so likewise you won’t be surprised when I finish by saying Grandad rearranged his work week to be home a few days to help; I immediately went in the house to make sure our ancient video camera still worked, and; OG had the plans, complete with price list, drawn up in less than an hour.

IT Guy got home in time to help with the last few details… instead of it being a complete surprise. But aside from that one little glitch, we now have a gorgeous new porch just outside our back door
…on which we spend most all our free time in good weather
.. where we’ve hosted the dinner to one of OG’s Pirate parties ( oh I’m sure she will post something about those soon)

... where I hang out with Ella as often as possible
… and which did, indeed, cost $750.. Okay so it was $780.. but that’s only because Grandad had to buy a new drill

SO! Parents of small children who bless your lives with their little creative disasters for now.. Patience.. and rest assured.. it gets better! LOTS better!

The Pirates' LIfe For Me!!!!

In the sewing room (we call it that because that’s where the sewing machine resides) there hangs a small bulletin board on which is written:
Career ideas:
Pirate
Fairy Godmother
Story teller
Grammie

The last entry was a shoe in.. I had already been doing that for 7 or so years when the list originated… .. but the idea was to make a list of possibilities I thought would be fun.

The list has been there for 5 years… Anyone who knows me will agree I don’t make decisions quickly. .. But then today I began to wonder if anyone truly knows me at all.. All these years I’ve thought I was a reasonably good candidate for any of those vocations… Then, I decided I’d play one of those email games where you send out questions to friends and family to see how well they know the real you.

Question # 9 was: Am I a rebel or do I follow the rules? To my amazement 91.6% of the replies were adamant that I followed the rules!!!! This is not good news to someone considering the life of a pirate! ..I’m not sure it really suits the job description for a Fairy Godmother, story teller or even grandmother! You can imagine the heavy heart I drug around most of the morning as the replies filtered in…

But then I remembered that regardless of how one may appear to others.. it is what’s inside that counts. My own grandmothers taught me that! So I marched into the kitchen and purposefully unfastened the cream carton on the opposite side to where it reads “Open this side”!!!!! Call me a goodie-two-shoes will they?

ARRRRRGH!!!!!!! Where’s me eye-patch! …

I’m on a rebellious roll now for certain……. I’m seriously considering buying dark instead of milk chocolate!!!!! ARRGGHHH!!! Where’s me other eye patch!?